


living on

by constellationfights



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Guilt, Post-Canon, Post-Persona 5: The Royal, he/they pronouns for maruki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29178924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constellationfights/pseuds/constellationfights
Summary: a short character study focusing on post-p5r maruki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	living on

It was never meant to be selfish. For years, Maruki swore it wasn't. And it wasn't. Not until their palace was crumbling. 

Watching the Phantom Thieves steal heart after heart was exciting, fulfilling. Not only was his research right, but it had an application that was making the world a better place. Criminals spilling their sins, turning themselves in, weeping from the guilt.

Maruki didn't weep. The guilt settled into his bones instead, ever-present, aching and snapping. The manipulation made him sickest. He had taken these children's deepest pains and used them, bandaged over them and then threatened to rip the band-aid away. 

He had fought for a world without pain, because he believed it was right. And when they had lost that world, they had lost themself. Death was the easy, painless option. So of course, he couldn't have it.

Why it was wrong became clear when the treasure was gone and the other reality erased. Living with the pain and shame and guilt and loathing was the sentence for trying to obliterate it all completely. 

It was easy enough to smile. They had always been good at talking to people. He dashed right into a service industry because he still had to help, somehow. Even when Maruki was back home, uniform crumpled on the floor, curled over the third night's ramen in a row, he could manage some semblance at peace. They could push it away because they had to. Only dreams, when that control was gone, did the full wave hit.

It had always been selfish. From the moment they couldn't save Rumi's family, it had always been about him. Maruki had survived, shifted her memory, answered the call, let the dream blossom. He just wanted to be selfish. He just wanted a world where everyone could be happy, because he never was. 


End file.
